When we are close friends with someone, we intuitively know when
they need a hug, a helping hand, or a sympathetic ear. Likewise,
when we are going through bleak periods in our lives, we count on
friends to support us through loss, illness, and other setbacks,
both big and small. And while part of being a good friend means
being there when the other person needs us, it is just as important
to be there for our friends so we can share in their joyous
celebrations and triumphs. After all, who else would our friends
want to celebrate their promotions, graduations, marriages, and good
news with than their loved ones and good friends. Yet depending on
what is happening in our lives, it can sometimes be difficult to be
there for our friends during the good times. We can become so busy
with our own lives that we forget to make time. Or, we may be so
focused on our own problems that we may not feel like celebrating
with our friends. We may even take their joyful moments for granted,
assuming that as long as we're there for our friends during the bad
times that we are doing our jobs. Yet part of being a true friend
means also being there during the good times. Success and happiness
can feel empty without someone to share them with, and who better to
join in our victory dances than our good friends. Taking the time
from our busy lives to honor our friends' happy moments is a
wonderful way to show them that they matter. And in many ways, by
wanting you around during their happy occasions, your friends are
also honoring you. After all, it is the people we cherish that we
want around us to sing at our birthdays, visit our newborn babies,
and pop open that bottle of champagne with when we reach a milestone
moment. The next time a friend wants you to be there to celebrate
with them, remember to feel honored that they thought of asking you.
Together, you can celebrate their happiness and your rich
friendship.
Depending on what stage we are in our lives, we can sometimes feel
like we ought to know more about who we are or how to live. We may
even berate ourselves for making the same mistakes, or for just
not "getting it," whatever "it" may be. We wonder how our lives
would be now, if only we had "known better." During moments like
these, it is important to remember that none of us are born with
instruction manuals and that learning lessons is a lifelong journey.
Inherent to our being born is that we are here to observe, learn,
and grow. Accompanying this is a built-in guarantee that there will
be mistakes and misadventures along the way. And while it is only
natural that we may sometimes become overwhelmed, especially when
the lessons keep coming, it is important to remember that learning
to understand yourself and your world is an ongoing and active
process where the journey is more important than the destination.
Every lesson is intended so you can become more of who you are. And
as you grow through this self-discovery, you begin to create your
own instruction manual. The "how's" and "why's" are yours to
discover, and part of the beauty of being alive is that these rules
are always changing. If you feel that you would like to explore what
your personal instruction manual may already say, then try writing
down in order some of the significant events that have happened to
you. It's also important to take note of what you learned from each
one. When you are done, you may be surprised to discover how much
you are always growing, and that every lesson learned always informs
the next. That being said, there is never any need to be hard on
yourself or think that you should have it all figured out. We always
know as much as we're meant to know at that moment, and growing into
our fullness is a process that unfolds in divine timing. You and
your life are beautiful works in progress. Discover yourself and
embrace your life's lessons, and your instruction manual will create
itself.
Every time you interact with others, you have the choice to listen
to, acknowledge, and let go of their words, or you can take what
they are saying personally. Taking things personally is often the
result of perceiving a person's actions or words as an affront or
slight. In order to take something personally, you must read
negative intent in an individual's words or actions. But what people
do and say has no bearing upon you and is usually based on their own
experiences, emotions, and perceptions. If you attempt to take what
they do or say personally, you may end up feeling hurt without
reason. If you are tempted to take a comment or action personally,
creating some distance between yourself and the other person can
help you. Try to determine what is at the root of your feelings. Ask
yourself if the other person's words or actions are just reinforcing
some insecurity within you or if you can really be sure that an
offense was intended. You may even want to ask them what they meant.
Finally, put yourself in the other person's shoes. Instead of taking
their words as the truth, or as a personal affront, remember that
whatever was said or done is based on their opinion and is more
reflective of what is going on inside of them, rather than having
anything to do with you. You may have been an easy target for
someone having a bad day, and their comments may have been offered
with no ill intentions. When you recognize that what anyone says or
does doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you, you will no
longer feel hurt or attacked. While it's easy to take things
personally, you should never let anyone's perceptions or actions
affect how you see yourself or your worth. Your life is personal to
you, and it is up to you to influence your own value and sense of
well-being.
Every day we hear stories of personal suffering and loss that far
exceed our own. When we compare our situations to those of people
living in war-torn countries or those who have lost their homes and
livelihoods to natural disasters, it is tempting to minimize our own
experiences of suffering. We may feel that we don't have a right to
be upset about the breakup of a relationship, for example, because
at least we have food to eat and a roof over our heads. While
awareness of the pain of others in the world can be a valuable way
to keep our own struggles in perspective, it is not a legitimate
reason to disregard our own pain. Disparaging your feelings as being
less important than other people's emotions leads to denial and
repression. Over time, an unwillingness to experience your own
feelings leads to numbness. It is as if our internal systems become
clogged with our unexpressed emotions. This in no way helps other
people who are suffering in the world. In fact, it may do just the
opposite because when we devalue our own sorrow, we become
impervious to the sorrow in others. Fully experiencing our own hurt
is the gateway to compassion toward other human beings. Feelings of
loss, abandonment, loneliness, and fear are universal, and, in that
sense, all feelings are created equal. Regardless of what leads us
to feel the way we do, our comprehension of what it means to be
human is deepened by our own experiences. Our personal lives provide
us with the material we need to become fully conscious. If we reject
our emotions because we think our experiences are not dramatic or
important enough, we are missing out on our own humanity. We honor
and value the human condition when we fully inhabit our bodies so we
can experience and feel life fully. Accepting our emotions and
allowing ourselves to feel them connects us to all human beings.
Then, when we hear the stories of other people's suffering, our
hearts can resonate with understanding and compassion-for all of us.
We spend the first of January, walking through our year past,
looking into every room filled with experiences, looking for all the
failures we have made. Checking on this crack (wrong) or that hole
(failure), maybe we feel like we have done nothing to improve our
lot in living. This year, let's try something new. What about
looking at the positive experiences, the help we have provided, the
rights instead of the wrongs we have lived with. Balance the scale
by looking at not only the flaws but the potentials in our lives. We
may be just the better for it.
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